When I reported for duty for my first call as a registrar in surgery (Saturday: 2 January 2010), I was welcomed by the following questions: ‘are you crazy’?, are you for real?, is your husband giving you a hard time at home such that you’ll rather spend most of your time here at work’?, ‘why are you doing this to yourself while there are other women-friendly disciplines you could choose from?’ the list goes on and on…. Why such questions? Considering the history of surgery, being known for years as a male-dominated speciality with trainees expected to spend long working hours at work and still be expected to read and pass exams, it is not an easy career for a woman, especially when you have family, leading to few women pursuing it as a career. Oh well, I decided not to focus on what was said and focus on why I was there in the first place – becoming a surgeon and completing my training within the required time. When some of my colleagues learnt that I was a wife and mother, I was told that there was no way I was going to survive general surgery and I was only given 3 months before I quit. Examples were made of other colleagues (males included) who never lasted more than 3 months in the discipline. To their surprise, 3 months passed and I was still excited and enjoying being a registrar in general surgery as my focus remained on the ultimate goal.
In October 2010, I wrote my master of medicine primaries (anatomy, physiology, and pathology) and I only passed anatomy and failed both physiology and pathology. That was the worst time of my life, considering that I had never failed any exam in my entire life. It felt like it was the end and I started remembering all the negative thoughts that were conveyed to me when I began my training, and I was starting to believe that maybe they were right and that I made the wrong choice by choosing surgery. I thank God for my supportive husband who helped me get up from the state I was in, reminding me on why I chose surgery in the first place and why I should not let failure deter me from achieving my goal. It was at this time when I realised I had no choice but to get up and go for my dream of becoming a surgeon. The following year, I wrote FCS(SA) primaries and I passed, the exact motivation I needed at the time and yes, I never looked back as I saw my dream almost becoming a reality.
While rotating in ICU, as preparation for my intermediate examination, one of the professors asked me which speciality I was from. When I told him surgery, I recall the shock on his face. He said I was wasting my time as there was no way as a woman, I was going to make it in surgery. He literally made fun of me in front of his registrar, took out his measuring tape and measured my mid-arm circumference. With the value he got, he turned to his registrar and said: ‘Such a tiny woman doing surgery and yet she thinks she will still make it. What a waste of time’. As humiliated as I felt at the time, I looked down and remembered the story of David and Goliath and I looked at him and said: ‘Prof, it is not the size of the soldier that determines the outcome of the battle’. Still in disbelief, he shook his head and left. At that moment, I realised how many people predicted my downfall, so that at the end, they will say: ‘we told you so’. I used that humiliating experience as motivation to pull up my socks, to work harder so that I pass my exams and qualify as a surgeon, and to prove that to become a surgeon has got nothing to do with a gender or size of the person. What matters is passion, hard work, focus, resilience and believing in oneself and one's dream.
Negative attitudes from colleagues persisted during my training. One day as a senior registrar on call, I was called by the gastroenterologist to the unit for an opinion on a patient they were concerned about. When I got there, he told me I must call the senior registrar as the patient was extremely sick. I informed him that I was the senior registrar on call. He paused for a moment, looked me in the eye and said, in disbelief: ‘You’. To cut a long story short, the patient received the management he required with a successful outcome. Fast forward to 2014, I passed my final college exams and completed my training within the expected time. Yes, the journey was a hard one, enduring long working hours, having to make time for my family (and less for myself – the reality I prepared myself for before I began training). As hard as it was, my WHY-why I was there in the first place kept me going. At times when I started doubting my WHY, the unswerving support, encouragement, understanding and prayers I received from my husband, gave me courage to even push harder to the finish line.
Beyond FCS(SA), I joined the Charlotte Maxeke Johannesburg Academic Hospital Surgical Breast Unit with the aim of refining my knowledge and skills in breast surgery, which is my main area of interest. I continued to develop as an academic by participating in research aiming to improving my research output, participating in committees, building up my teaching portfolio with the aim of being promoted to a professorship in surgery one day. Along the way I received some recognition for my journey. In 2015, I was recognised by Destiny Magazine among the 40 under 40 women excelling in their fields. In 2018, I made the Mail and Guardian list among the top 200 young South Africans and in 2019, I was awarded 2nd runner up as an emerging leader by the South African Health Excellence awards. I was also recently elected as a council member of the College of Surgeons.
In a male-dominated discipline, it is quite easy for a woman to experience an ‘imposter syndrome’ but I was able to overcome it by believing in myself and my dreams, being me with my eyes fixed on the ultimate goal of becoming a surgeon and not comparing myself with my male colleagues. Surrounding myself with other female surgeons, learning from their experiences also helped to ease the tough journey I chose. Moreover, having a mentor encouraged me to see myself beyond just being a surgeon as there is a lot one can do and achieve beyond being a specialist surgeon.